Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
