Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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