Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
