I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
