I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
