I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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