I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
