I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
