well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
