she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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