sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
