there was a trapeze. enough said
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
