He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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