im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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