I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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