If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
high people should be assigned attendants
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
