I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
