come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
