pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
