Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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