Got a toothbrush?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
