she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
