I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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