I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you never un-have a 4some
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
