I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
