I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
