i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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