And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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