Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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