I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
