This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
