My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
