You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
