Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
