I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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