STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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