My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
