i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
