new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
