Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
