wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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