Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
