marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
