is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
