im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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