He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
