I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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