i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
