Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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