all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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