I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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