Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
