I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
