No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Everything about him screamed your future.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize