I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
