im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
