It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
