i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
