mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
