Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
