fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
