My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
