This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
