i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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