Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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