don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
