I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize