i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
