i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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