i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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