I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
