Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
