let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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