What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
