Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
