I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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