He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
