She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
