just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
