there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think people are normalizing furries
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
