I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
