She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize