are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
