I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
