Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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