I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
