Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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