i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
