My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
