Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize