i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
