your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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