she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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