My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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