he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
