Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
