White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I supernannyed him into submission
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
