So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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