she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
