the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
