If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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