coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
