He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
