I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize