1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
