why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize