If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
