If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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