at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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